XPost: alt.arts.poetry.comments, alt.poetry
nancygene.andjayme@gmail.com (NancyGene) wrote in news:
b45c9634bfd2ba4dbc37f434147573c6@www.novabbs.com:
On Mon, 12 May 2025 19:15:52 +0000, cujodemaniac wrote:
He slithers through the halls with cheap weed in his pockets,
Bright eyes dulled, but the world felt heavy.
Books lay closed, like doors they never opened,
Laughter echoed in corners, directed at the loser.
Now, he chases success on the streets of untalented,
Wasting the chances to create a new road,
Life laughs at lemmings, plummeting through existance.
Sing for us before you go off the cliff. Low volume, please.
--
We like it very much, but in the 3rd line, we think a period after
"closed" would be better, and then "Like doors, they never opened."
Existence is spelled wrong, but that's a minor fault. We love the
last line, though, which has deep and classical meanings.
Cujo, you shine brightly in the poetry universe!
Thanks. I was waiting for the Dreckweasel to comment. The fat fuck
certainly has enough time to slurp Jody.
--
"Post-editing someone's statement before replying to it is a sure sign
that you have already lost the argument." - Little Willie Douchebag gets another asskicking from Pendragon.
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