LNH: Hungry, Hungry Sabertooths! #EPILOG (Side Pi): "President Evil: Th
From
Drew Nilium@21:1/5 to
All on Tue Aug 30 04:28:12 2022
XPost: alt.comics.lnh
HUNGRY, HUNGRY SABERTOOTHS!
EPILOG (Side Pi): "President Evil: The Final Chapter"
By Drew Nilium (with editing and input from Jeanne Morningstar (more so than
usual))
====
November 3rd, 2020! Election day! And Cannon Fodder and the Incredible Man-With-
No-Life are sitting in the TV room, watching the pyrotechnic battle of Bad Judgment Boy Blue vs. Bad Judgment Boy Red!
"Give it up, my dorker self!" said Bad Judgment Boy Red, floating above the stage, surrounded by a crackle of crimson lightning. "Or you'll see the true meaning of power!"
Bad Judgment Boy Blue laughed. "You mean, the Chaos Emeralds?"
"No, I mean THIS!" Bad Judgment Boy Red flew towards him, crackling fist outstretched!
Bad Judgment Boy Blue stood there, hands on hips, smirking, unreasonably ready to take anything-- then something in his peripheral vision caught his eye, and he leaned down. "Hey, someone stole my shoelaces!"
While Bad Judgment Boy Blue was leaning over, Bad Judgment Boy Red flew over his head and into a barrel. Unfortunately, this was the kind of barrel you find in '90s first person shooters, which means it exploded pyrotechnically at the slightest jostle.
Bad Judgment Boy Blue stood up to see Bad Judgment Boy Red, eyes spinning in opposite directions, land, smoking, at his feet. "...and take *that*!" he said, putting a foot on his opponent's chest and cheering to the crowd.
Back in the TV room, WikiBoy walked in, scrolling on a tablet. "Well, the vaccine rollout's been working, and with the use of the Super Quarantine Field, the majority of the LSA is sabertooth-virus-free. It looks like we're gonna wipe this out like smallpox."
"Tho," said Cannon Fodder, "like smallpox, *somebody's* probably kept around a few samples to bedevil us with later."
WikiBoy siiiiiighed and flopped down on the couch. "Yeh."
On the TV. a man with a microphone jogged to the middle of the stage. "Bad Judgment Boy! You've just won the battle against the divergent hypertext-time version of you that the Brad Pitt Conspiracy empowered with the Dark W Force!"
"Yeah, I know!" said Bad Judgment Boy, who didn't.
"Which do you want as your victory song, Eye of the Tiger or You're the Best?"
"I want... uh... well, let's see, I want..." Sweating, Bad Judgment Boy looked around desperately for a teleprompter.
"Sir," the interviewer asked him, "have you ever gotten writer's block or something like the same?"
Bad Judgment Boy snapped, "If there's just two songs in ya, whaddaya want from me!?"
As they watched the President get in an inane argument with a reporter, Cannon Fodder leaned forward, pensively.
"Sup, dude?" said the IMWNL, passing him a Mr. Paprika Boysenberry Sherbet.
Cannon Fodder cracked the can and took a big gulp. "Mmmmm... we've gotten this taken care of, but there's still so many troubles loose in the world. And thru my connection to Senseless Violence, I can sense... it's gonna get worse before it gets better."
"Yeah, that seems to be how his goes," said WikiBoy.
"We've got all these ridiculous powers, access to weird gadgets and amazing resources, but it took forever until we could even touch this problem, let alone fix it." Cannon Fodder threw up his hands! "How can we face the world that's coming!?"
His two companions looked off in thought, the question hovering in the air. After a couple minutes, WikiBoy sat up.
"I don't have any big ideas, but I think what's gonna be important is... sticking together. Sometimes, the Legion feels like a bunch of people thrown into the same building, close physically but miles apart mentally. But sometimes
it feels like a real team, like a community, or a family. And sometimes it feels like a colony of feral cats, but that's a kind of family too." WikiBoy warmed to the subject, dropping the tablet to gesticulate. "And if, when, we link up with the Net.ropolis community, and the communities of people who want to contribute and help like we're helping, and net.hero communities all over the world... if we're really and truly teaming up, and using our own skills and bringing our own unique perspectives, then I feel like..." He stopped mid- sentence, suddenly self-conscious.
"...you feel like?" prompted the Incredible Man-With-No-Life, encouragingly.
"...well, like we can probably do just about anything." WikiBoy picked the tablet back up and fiddled with it, face flushed. "That's what I think, anyway."
"Hmmmm. I dunno if you're right, but it's worth a try," smiled Cannon Fodder.
"Yeah!" said the IMWNL. "And you know what else?"
"Hm?" said WikiBoy, looking up. "What's that?"
"I guess the *real* hungry, hungry sabertooths were the friends we made along the way!"
Freeze-frame on The Incredible Man-With-No-Life and Cannon Fodder laughing and WikiBoy facepalming as the credits play.
|--------------------------------------|--------------------------------------| | THEME: "Are You Ready?!", by Devo, off the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers: | | The Movie soundtrack | |--------------------------------------|--------------------------------------|
Cannon Fodder | Blooper reel time! |
Created by wReam | |
Free For Use | Cannon Fodder is approached by a |
| vicious sabertooth! ...who flops |
Ultimate Ninja | down and shows his belly~ |
Created by wReam | |
Free For Use | WikiBoy is running away from |
| a pack of sabertooths - and trips, |
Bad Judgment Boy | and falls over. One of the |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | sabertooths comes up, sniffs him, |
Free For Use | and sits down on his chest, |
| eliciting an 'oof!'. |
The Incredible Man-With-No-Life | |
Created by Enrique Conty | A trapdoor opens under Kid Review, |
Free For Use | dropping them... about waist-deep. |
| |
WikiBoy | Several different takes of Kid |
Created by Amabel Holland | Occultism Kid attempting to slap |
Free For Use | Chaos Theory in the face with a |
| rubber chicken, but dropping it, |
Kid Occultism Kid | having it go flying off, missing |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | entirely, etc. On the last take, |
Not Reserved | Chaos Theory responds with "Is that |
| all you got?", causing Kid Occultism |
The Living Moderator | Kid to break down in peals of |
Created by Jameel al Khafiz | laughter. |
Free For Use | |
| Marvel Zombie Girl shouts "Taste the |
The Scyldh Ta | fire of foul... fuck!" |
Created by Drew Nilium | She shouts "Taste the fire of foul |
Free For Use | feline, foul-- rrrrrgh!" |
| She shouts "Taste the fire of |
VAMMO Woman | retribution, fire felid! ...that |
Created by wReam | wasn't right either!!" |
Free For Use | She shouts "Taste the... taste the |
| fire, JEFF!" In the background, |
Kid Review | Cliche Dude cracks up. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Used With Permission | Cliche Dude pulls off his helmet, |
| and watches as the cat ears |
Chaos Theory | underneath sproing off into the |
Created by Drew Nilium | distance. |
Not Reserved | |
| "ULTRA-KIWI!" shouts the person in |
The Gasper | the Ultra-Kiwi suit, taking a step |
Created by Drew Nilium | forward, and promptly stepping right |
Free For Use | into the model of the LNHQ, crushing |
| it and ending up thigh-deep in it. |
The Golden Force | They look down with a bemused |
Created by Tony Pi | expression, shaking their leg a bit, |
Not Reserved | and a stagehand comes to help them |
| out of it. |
Master Workload | |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | "The sabertooth virus bears all the |
Not Reserved | hallmarks of Dr. Killfile II," says |
| the Crime Empress. "She is someone |
Ultimate Ninja II | who is descended from a cat an and |
Created by Amabel Holland | elf-- pfffft!" She can't hold back |
Free For Use | her laughter, and Lucky Chain Letter |
| Lucy snort-giggles in response. |
Cliche Dude | |
Created by Jef Kolodziej | Several attempts by the Crime |
Free For Use | Empress to say |
| "Looniverse-Yaldabaoth". |
Doctor Stomper | "Yal-da-ba-oth, it's not that hard," |
Created by T.M. Neeck | she says to herself in the last |
Free For Use | take, only for Lucy to respond |
| "Actually, it's yal-dabba-oth," with |
Multi-Tasking Man | a "WHAT--" heard before the scene |
Created by Jeff Coleburn | cuts out. |
Free For Use | |
| "And while the two Brotherhoods make |
Sister State-the-Obvious | war, I will move in the shadows and |
Created by wReam | strike down them both," pronounces |
Free For Use | Erik the Plaid grandly, "I-- Erik |
| the Plaid, of the Mistake |
Token Girl | Brotherhood-- wait!" Giggling is |
Created by Tara Lynn O'Shea | heard from offscreen, and Lucy |
Not Reserved | shouts "Jeez, spoilers!" |
| |
Halls Jordan | Simplicity barges into Jeanne |
Created by Jef Kolodziej | Morningstar's apartment with his |
Free For Use | flaming sword - only to set the |
| doorway on fire! Jeanne falls back |
Captain Cleanup | in their chair and Simplicity yelps |
Created by Storm | in alarm, dropping the sword as |
Not Reserved | stagehands run up with fire |
| extinguishers. |
Marvel Zombie Girl | |
Created by Drew Nilium | A podium sits on stage with a blue |
Free For Use | curtain behind it. Bad Judgment Boy |
| walks out from the wings absolutely |
90s Comics Kid | stark naked, a mosaic covering his |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | bits. He looks around. "...what? |
Not Reserved | C'mon, what!?" |
| |
UltraKiwi | The Crime Empress curls her hand |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | into a fist. "Old Scratch, AKA Anti- |
Not Reserved | Christ Lad!" Anti-Christ Lad walks |
| up dramatically behind her; she |
Ven-Dorr, The Soda Machine That | turns, startles, and falls over. The |
Walked, er, Rolled Like a Man | Brotherhood starts laughing as she |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | yells "Not *you*!" |
Not Reserved | |
| "It's OK," says Catalyst Lass, |
The Crime Empress | reaching out towards Token Girl - |
Created by Lalo Martins | and knocking over her webcam. The |
Not Reserved | visuals twirl around the room madly |
| before landing face-down in |
Lucky Chain Letter Lucy | darkness. "Aw geez..." |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | |
Not Reserved | On Neme.sys, Merissa rushes at the |
| Ultimate Ninja to give him a hug - a |
Doctor Killfile II | little too hard, and they both fall |
Created by Amabel Holland | over; Occultism Kid has to dodge out |
Free For Use | of the way of a piece of scenery |
| that falls in their wake. |
Vector Ovine | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | Kid Enthusiastic hangs upside-down |
Not Reserved | in the middle of a tangle of wires, |
| working on a machine. He closes a |
Mister Homage | panel, accidentally kicks something, |
Created by Jeff Barnes | and ends up flying in circles. |
Not Reserved | "Wheeeeeeee!" |
| |
Anti-Christ Lad | The Looniversal Answering Machine |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | roars, "If you're really looking for |
Free For Use | us, or for good comics-related |
| online fiction in general..." She |
Polybag Person | pauses for several seconds. |
Created by Jeff Barnes | "...uh. Line?" |
Not Reserved | |
| Standing over the body of Big Jimmy |
Mistake | Neutron, Vindex proclaims, "I am |
Created by Jef Kolodziej | Vindex, scourge of crime and |
Free For Use | destroyer of evil. The only man who |
| can clean up this--" He has to stop, |
Simplicity | as Big Jimmy has started corpsing, |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | giggling unconrollably as he stares |
Not Reserved | up at the gimp-suited man above him; |
| The Lurker rolls her eyes with a |
Doctor Dreaded Deadline Doom | smile and throws her hands up in the |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | air. |
Used With Permission | |
| Multi-Tasking Man shoves cans of |
The LNH-Readers-Who-Are-Sick-To- | evil soda into a machine... a little |
Death-With-These-Damn-Neverending- | too hastily, as they come rolling |
Events Liberation Front | out and land on his foot; he yelps |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | and falls over. |
Not Reserved | |
| Forsaken Lass shakes her head. "I |
Demented Designer | sometimes feel like... you deserve |
Created by Jeff Barnes | better than me... hang on, sorry, |
Not Reserved | that wasn't sad enough. Alice and I |
| had a date last night and I'm just |
Professor Perhap | feeling great, I can still feel the |
Created by Mark Friedman | bruises on my--" |
Not Reserved | Net.Access *shrieks*! |
| |
Plotchopper | Dr. Stomper sits up, pushes back his |
Created by wReam | chair, and lets out a long, |
Not Reserved | laborious sigh. In unison, Sister |
| State-the-Obvious, Mashup Laq, and |
OTP | Halls Jordan let out long, laborious |
Created by Drew Nilium | sighs. Dr. Stomper covers his mouth |
Free For Use | as he starts laughing. "What are you |
| clowns doing..." Mashup Laq sighs |
Crossplay King | even louder, grinning wide. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | An empty shot of Cheesecake-Eater |
| Lad's kitchen, with a vat of |
Phoenix Down | cheesecake batter sitting open. |
Created by Drew Nilium | There's a scream from offscreen, and |
Free For Use | Cheesecake-Eater Lad skids by, |
| one foot sliding on a piece of |
Far.net.heit 451 | cheesecake, and falls in the vat. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | Bad Judgment Boy sits in a chair |
| backstage, halfway thru getting made |
Fearless Leader (Classic) | up as the Combover-Thing. He pulls |
Created by Dave Van Domelen | out a sloppy joe from an |
Free For Use | undetermined place and starts |
| chowing down on it; Fourth Wall Lass |
Fearless Leader (20) | walks in and shouts, "AGAIN!?" |
Created by Dave Van Domelen and | |
Jeanne Morningstar | "Things are kind of a mess back |
General Use | here," says Captain Continuity. |
| "There's RACCelestials, Elder Gods, |
Kid Poetry | time travelers--" In the background, |
Created by Theron Ross | an eager baby brontosaurus runs |
Not Reserved | towards Captain Continuity and gives |
| him a big SLURP! |
Merissa | |
Created by Saxon Brenton and | Toony Stork closes the fridge door |
Rob Rogers | and goes "WAUGH!", falling |
Not Reserved | backwards-- only for nothing to |
| happen. He sits up and the freezer |
Catalyst Lass | opens and a ham falls out and bonks |
Created by Elisabeth Riba | him on the head! |
Free For Use | |
| A kiwi-sized flight.thingee drives |
Cheesecake-Eater Lad | down desperately towards a |
Created by Matthew Jotham Millheiser | sabertooth-- only for the big cat to |
Free For Use | bat the model off the strings |
| supporting it and start playing |
Occulism Kid | with it. |
Created by Josh Geurink | |
Not Reserved | With great force, Imperilus slowly |
| drags a bunch of Amazon boxes on a |
Kid Enthusiastic | pallet jack; suddenly, Bad-Timing |
Created by Drew Nilium | Boy trips and crashes thru them, |
Not Reserved | knocking the whole pallet of |
| obviously empty boxes over. |
Enthusiasm | |
Created by Saxon Brenton and | Kid Enthusiastic flops forward into |
Drew Nilium | his racecar bed and it collapses. |
Free For Use | |
| Merissa flops backwards into her bed |
The Looniversal Answering Machine | and it collapses. |
Created by Russ Allbery | |
Not Reserved | The Crime Empress sits down on her |
| throne and, you guessed it, it |
Mashup Laq | collapses. |
Created by Drew Nilium | |
Free For Use | Okay, question: Is anything we show |
| from the Black Halo and Imperilus's |
UltraKiwi Wondersock | fart battle going to be more |
Created by Drew Nilium | ridiculous and inappropriate than |
Free For Use | the thing itself already is? No? All |
| right, moving on then... |
Lurking Girl II | |
Created by Lalo Martins and | Vector Ovine glares at Agent |
Tori Fike | Bennigan. "I am *so angry* at the |
General Use | East Coast Brotherhood of-- WHOA!" |
| The flamethrower on her back has set |
Colonel Panic | a boom mike on fire, and there's |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | shouting and yelling as stagehands |
Not Reserved | run in to put it out. |
| |
Small-Attention-Span-For-Nonsense | Chaos Theory zooms along the |
Lass | multifaceted byways of Hypertext |
Created by Drew Nilium | Time! And trips, and falls screaming |
Free For Use | into eternity. |
| |
Pulls-Paper-Out-of-Hats Lad | The corrupted UltraKiwi reaches to |
Created by Arthur Spitzer | take the Shining Dream, and is |
Not Reserved | thrown back - and before he can fall |
| into the Omnilooniverse, gets |
Net.Access | tangled in his wirework harness, |
Created by Saxon Brenton | hanging upside-down helplessly. |
Free For Use | Stagehands run up to help! |
| |
Masterplan Lad | Occultism Kid walks into his room, |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | sits down heavily, and snaps his |
Used With Permission | fingers. And a demon pops out of a |
| cupboard and leaps at him! "Not |
Forsaken Lass | again!!" he yells, being chased in |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | circles. |
Used With Permission | |
| Occultism Kid opens the jewelery box |
Manga Girl II | containing the Wings of Endless |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar and | Angst... and a demon pops out and |
Amabel Holland | starts chasing him around the room. |
Used With Permission | "I forgot about that one!!" he |
| shouts. |
Captain Continuity | |
Created by the Mystic Mongoose | A sabertooth walks up and nuzzles |
Not Reserved | against Multi-Tasking Man's legs... |
| aggressively, knocking him over. It |
Toony Stork | gets up on top of him and lies down. |
Created by Doug Moran | "Uh... help?" |
Free For Use | |
| "Keep the asterisk.gate on standby," |
Time Crapper IV | says the Crime Empress, "and have |
Created by Saxon Brenton and | agents Plotchopper, Gracemora, OTP, |
Rob Rogers | Crossplay King... and..." Her |
Not Reserved | shoulders slump, and she laughs. |
| "You know, all those other guys. Get |
Psychovant the Duck | them too." Lucy giggles gleefully. |
Created by Scott Eiler | |
Used With Permission | Space Goth GF fires Claremontizing |
| bolts at the Ultimate Ninja, who |
Imperilus the Exterminating Son | deflects them-- hitting the |
Created by Scott Eiler | director. They turn into a ten-year- |
Used With Permission | old version of themself, with a |
| mohawk, and start making dramatic |
The Black Halo | declarations about life incarnate, |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | and the assistant director yells to |
Used With Permission | cut. |
| |
Scary Ghost Lass | Dr. Stomper, Sister State-the- |
Created by Amabel Holland | Obvious and Mashup Laq get into a |
Free For Use | boat and float forward into the |
| Tunnel of Love... and the boat |
UltraSixpi | stops halfway thru the gate with a |
Created by Drew Nilium | ker-chunk! The three of them wait |
Free For Use | for a moment, then look around; |
| Mashup Laq whacks the side of the |
Obscure Trivia Lad | boat. "What a ripoff! I want my |
Created by Brian Perler | $7.50 back!" |
Not Reserved | |
| Merissa looks thru the seemingly |
Very Big Boy | empty Sub-Basement 59. "Well, |
Created by Saxon Brenton | there's this!" From behind a pile |
Used Without Permission (oops - at | of file cabinets, she pulls out... |
least it was just a cameo) | Super Apathy Lad! "The mystery is |
| solved!" shouts Toony. |
Cool S | |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "Trepidations!" shouts Complexity as |
Free For Use | Cliche Dude kicks down the door. |
| "Complexity!" he shouts. "I am... |
Bitmask | YOUR FATHER!" |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "...I humbly beg your forgiveness!?" |
Free For Use | |
| "Repeat after me," says Maria Hart. |
Slasher | "Eko eko eko, wossamotta u!" |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | "Eko eko--" Victoria bursts out into |
Free For Use | helpless giggles, and after a moment |
| so do Sakura and Alice. "I'm sorry, |
Cosmic Himbo | I'm sorry..." |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | |
Free For Use | The EastJet swoops downwards, |
| transforming into the EastDrill... |
Space Goth GF | and gets stuck halfway, bouncing off |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | the ground high into the air and |
Free For Use | landing somewhere in the distance. |
| A stagehand steps carefully thru the |
The Foo | shot, looking for the prop. |
Created by Jeanne Morningstar | |
Free For Use | Scary Ghost Lass pulls out an easel |
| and a stack of posterboards. "It's |
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