By
skifan@perdurabo.org:
"Regardless of how much he begs you to put stuff in it, don't!
Scott's a sick, drunken psychopath in search of fresh catamites. He's especially dangerous this time of year as his colon is stuffed full of yams.
This condition has been known to leave him in a dangerous state of sexual arousal.
If you see him lurking around your neighborhood, hide. Don't try to appease him with Black Diamond swag. Don't offer him free lift tickets. Don't throw HoHos at him. Just hide.
This condition will last until approximately 20:00GMT on Thanksgiving Day, when he will purge the contents of his colon into a cheap Corelle serving tray, and serve them to his hungry dinner guests. After the meal, he and a few select flannel-clad
guests will retire to the basement den for some "sports" which will leave him exhausted and in dire need of a hot shower. He'll be relatively safe until the December holiday season (at which point, he'll start the fermentation
process of his Yuletide Smegnog).
Again, do not be fooled by his begging. His asshole is extraordinarily dangerous this time of year. He has the ability to unhinge his coccyx, and
dialate his sphincter in a fashion similar to a snake's jaw. If you are within a three foot radius, he can strike quickly, pulling your head into his asshole.
Once trapped, your head will be used to help mash the slowly cooking yams. After the mashing is complete, he releases a highly acidic form of bilirubin to
help him digest your head; which will be used to replenish the energy he's spent keeping the yams hot.
Death is slow and smelly...
I don't wish to alarm anyone by this. I'm only bringing it up because I care about the safety of my fellow skiers."A
--- SoupGate-Win32 v1.05
* Origin: fsxNet Usenet Gateway (21:1/5)