‘I’m afraid to ask her’: My stepmother won’t show me my father’s will.
What now?
‘She treats my sibling and me as virtual strangers’
By
Quentin Fottrell
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Last Updated: June 2, 2025 at 12:35 p.m. ET
First Published: June 2, 2025 at 6:30 a.m. ET

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“We both had relationships with him, although we did not get to see him
as often as we wanted because he lived in a different state.” (Photo
subject is a model.)
“We both had relationships with him, although we did not get to see him
as often as we wanted because he lived in a different state.” (Photo
subject is a model.)
Photo: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Dear Quentin,
My father passed away late last year. My stepmother hasn’t shared
anything about his estate. Is she required by law to inform us of the
contents of his will? I’m afraid to ask her because it will make her
angry. She treats my sibling and me as virtual strangers who haven’t
been entitled to know much about our father, including his health, while
he was still alive. We did not get to see him as often as we wanted
because he lived in a different state.

Stepson
Related: My stepmother inherited 100% of my father’s estate. She’s
leaving everything to her two kids. Is that fair?

If there is no will, you, your sibling and stepmother will each inherit
a share of your late father’s community property.
If there is no will, you, your sibling and stepmother will each inherit
a share of your late father’s community property.
Photo: MarketWatch illustration

Dear Stepson,
Your stepmother could be dancing on dangerous ground.

Not asking your stepmother about a will because of the kind of reaction
she may have is a sign of codependency. Do not allow her previous
temperament to impact your decision-making; you may regret it later.
It’s good practice to be comfortable with people getting annoyed or even expressing anger. You don’t have to absorb other people’s reactions like
a sponge. You can tie their bad behavior with a bow, figuratively
speaking, and hand it back to them.

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It’s illegal to conceal a will. In New York, it’s a Class E felony and carries a maximum prison sentence of four years, says Stephen Bilkis & Associates. “The accused may be required to pay substantial fines and restitution to the rightful beneficiaries of the will.” A person can be charged if they “intentionally conceal, destroy, or alter a will that
they know or believe exists [or] do so with the intent to defraud or
deceive another person or to cause harm to the rightful beneficiaries.

“The statute applies to all types of wills, including those that are
written, oral, or otherwise recorded,” the law firm adds. That applies
to family members, lawyers, and other parties. “To prove the crime of unlawfully concealing a will, the prosecutor must demonstrate that the
accused acted intentionally and with the specific intent to defraud or
deceive another person or to cause harm to the rightful beneficiaries of
the will,” it says.

“In some cases, if you have reasonable cause to believe that someone is hiding a will, you may need to file a petition with the probate court to
compel the production of the will. The court can issue an order
requiring the person to produce the will,” according to the Senior
Advocate Center, an organization that aims to provide elder-law
resources. That may lead to mediation, legal action or reporting a case
of suspected fraud to law enforcement, it adds.

Hopefully, your father’s attorney will have a copy of his will, assuming
such a document exists. Otherwise, you could try the Will Registry of
the United States.

It may be that your father didn’t leave a will. Based on a survey by Caring.com and AARP, only 45% of people over age 55 have a will; that
rises to 81% for those over age 72. If there is a will and it can be
found, you have many rights, assuming you are a beneficiary. The Senior Advocate Center says those rights include the right to a copy of the
will, the right to challenge the will and the right to an inheritance.

Hopefully, your father’s attorney will have a copy of his will, assuming
such a document exists. Otherwise, you could try the Will Registry of
the United States, which maintains a national database of registered
wills; you can search the U.S. Will Registry. His attorney may have the
lowdown on whether there is an executor; if there is no will or
executor, you will have to establish an administrator of the estate. You
have the right to participate as an interested party.

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If there is no will, you, your sibling and stepmother will each inherit
a share of your late father’s community property. For example, in
California, she would inherit all of their community property, but only one-third of your father’s separate property; the other two-thirds would
be divided among his children. His estate would have to go through
probate. Any bank or life-insurance accounts with beneficiaries would
bypass probate and go directly to those named.

Your task is complicated by the distance between you and your
stepmother, but that’s why Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone
and Steve Jobs took that invention and ran with it when he developed the iPhone. It’s easier than ever to pick up a phone or send a message,
including a video call. If that does not produce a satisfactory outcome,
you can always take advantage of the Wright brothers’ flying machine and
book a flight.

Related: My father died, leaving everything to my 90-year-old
stepmother. Do I have a right to ask her if I’m in her will?

You can email The Moneyist with any financial and ethical questions at qfottrell@marketwatch.com, and follow Quentin Fottrell on X, the
platform formerly known as Twitter.

The Moneyist regrets he cannot reply to questions individually.

More columns from Quentin Fottrell:

I’m the executor of my mother’s will. She left $160,000 in a secret
savings account. Should I tell my siblings?

‘She has been telling him lies’: My sister convinced my father to sign everything over to her. What can I do?

My father died, leaving everything to my 90-year-old stepmother. Do I
have a right to ask her if I’m in her will?

Check out The Moneyist’s private Facebook group, where members help
answer life’s thorniest money issues. Post your questions, or weigh in
on the latest Moneyist columns.

By emailing your questions to The Moneyist or posting your dilemmas on
The Moneyist Facebook group, you agree to have them published
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Don’t miss: ‘I don’t want to end up with stalkers’: Should I tell my heirs that I’m writing a will and how much they can expect to inherit?


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